Can counseling hurt you during a divorce? The answer is a resounding yes, if the divorce goes through the traditional process of court litigation. The answer is a resounding no, if the alternative—collaborative divorce—is chosen. We see a lot of people who are in tremendous emotional distress. They are wondering if their marriage is headed [...]
In North Carolina, you can't get divorced until you've been physically separated for at least a year. During the separation period there's a need for two homes while you're still married. If you rent an apartment as the second home, then it can be relatively simple. But if you want to buy a second home [...]
There's no right answer when it comes to whether to sell the house because of divorce. Some say you don’t want to be "stuck" with the home, because it means you'll get fewer of the other marital assets, and these assets may be more liquid, may have fewer costs associated with them, and may appreciate [...]
There's a common myth about collaborative divorce that says it's only for low-conflict couples. In part, this misunderstanding comes from a decision, 25 years ago, to call this intensive, settlement-only effort "collaborative law." It makes it sound like it's "friendly" divorce. But collaborative divorce does not require that spouses feel "friendly" toward each other. Few [...]
The North Carolina Court of Appeals recently handed down an opinion reviewing a child custody case from Wake County that highlights the horror of parenting disputes in court. First, the horror of the cost. The Court of Appeals noted that the trial court did not appoint a parenting coordinator because the parents could not afford [...]
An idea began shaping in Stu Webb's family law office in Minnesota in 1992. The novel idea was to help families through the divorce process with a new approach he decided to call collaborative law. This month, Collaborative Law Proceedings were officially accepted as a practice area in New Jersey, which is the 10th state [...]
This four-part blog series will explain 4 unique and healthy ways to effectively communicate and navigate your way through conflict. This is the last in our four-part series about how to effectively navigate conflict. Today, we discuss changing conflict into joint problem solving. When we're in conflict with someone else, it means that we each have a [...]
This four-part blog series will explain 4 unique and healthy ways to effectively communicate and navigate your way through conflict. In the last blog on effectively navigating conflict, we discussed avoiding words that place responsibility for what we're feeling onto someone else during times of conflict. In the first blog, we talked about finding fault, blaming and [...]
This four-part blog series will explain 4 unique and healthy ways to effectively communicate and navigate your way through conflict. In the first part of this series, we discussed avoiding the use of judgment, blame and criticism when we find ourselves in conflict with someone else. The types of negative words are certain to increase, rather [...]
This four-part blog series will explain 4 unique and healthy ways to effectively communicate and navigate your way through conflict. A Look at Conflict Avoiding and resolving conflicts starts with effective communication. Unfortunately, when two people have a difference of opinion and the stakes are high, a definite fight, flight or freeze reaction takes hold. Neuroscientists [...]
Last week an attorney who practices family law pressed me repeatedly to agree with her that you should expect conflict even in collaborative law proceedings. I hesitated to agree, even though I'm often confronted with couples who are having disagreements as I work with one spouse or the other in the collaborative process. I hesitated [...]
We received an email this week from a medical doctor who is married to another medical doctor. They have two children. One of them teaches at a university; the other has and owns an established medical practice. They are so worried about lawyers taking control of their divorce, or as the wife put it, "dragging [...]
Last week three of our clients signed their separation agreements and property settlements after intense but successful collaborative law proceedings. Each had their own unique challenges. Client #1 In the first case, the husband was returning to his native country of Norway. The wife had her own career and was financially independent. There were no [...]
Imagine a peaceful approach to resolving disagreements between a husband and wife who are happily married—not so hard to imagine. Now imagine a peaceful approach to resolving disagreements between a husband and a wife who are getting divorced. That's exactly what Stu Webb, a family-law attorney in Minnesota, did twenty years ago. Back then it [...]
For people going through separation and divorce, one of the scariest things can be wondering how the divorce is going to affect their financial well-being. Will I have enough money each month to pay the rent or mortgage? Will I be able to keep my gym membership and other things important to me? What will [...]
I remember vividly my introduction to Collaborative Practice over twelve years ago. I was in a darkened room at the Bar Center watching a video replay of a continuing legal education course. A short segment of the course called "Collaborative Family Law" was showing on the screen. I had been away from the practice of [...]
Mediation—A Court Process In 1995, mediation became a court-mandated process in North Carolina. It's part of the family court proceedings for equitable distribution of marital property. So even though mediation sounds like a kinder, gentler way to divorce, it can be quite brutal. Practically all divorce mediators in the state are trained and certified to [...]
Divorce is tough on both parents and children. For moms there's an awful experience of what we call "premature separation" from their children. Even after children turn 18 and head off to college, it's hard to adjust to having the children out of the house. It's really hard to have the children out of the [...]
Technically, yes. The law does not require you to have a lawyer. Parties are allowed appear in court "pro se" which means without an attorney. But, if you have a toothache, would you rather see a dentist to have it treated or just go ahead and pull it out yourself? Would you rather draw [...]
The matrimonial statutes in North Carolina are a complex web of legal rights and entitlements that arise out of the antiquated notion that while you don't need the court's permission to get married, you have to have the court's permission to get un-married. These days, you have to show the state that you've been separated [...]