This four-part blog series will explain 4 unique and healthy ways to effectively communicate and navigate your way through conflict. A Look at Conflict Avoiding and resolving conflicts starts with effective communication. Unfortunately, when two people have a difference of opinion and the stakes are high, a definite fight, flight or freeze reaction takes hold. Neuroscientists [...]
Last week an attorney who practices family law pressed me repeatedly to agree with her that you should expect conflict even in collaborative law proceedings. I hesitated to agree, even though I'm often confronted with couples who are having disagreements as I work with one spouse or the other in the collaborative process. I hesitated [...]
We received an email this week from a medical doctor who is married to another medical doctor. They have two children. One of them teaches at a university; the other has and owns an established medical practice. They are so worried about lawyers taking control of their divorce, or as the wife put it, "dragging [...]
Last week three of our clients signed their separation agreements and property settlements after intense but successful collaborative law proceedings. Each had their own unique challenges. Client #1 In the first case, the husband was returning to his native country of Norway. The wife had her own career and was financially independent. There were no [...]
Imagine a peaceful approach to resolving disagreements between a husband and wife who are happily married—not so hard to imagine. Now imagine a peaceful approach to resolving disagreements between a husband and a wife who are getting divorced. That's exactly what Stu Webb, a family-law attorney in Minnesota, did twenty years ago. Back then it [...]
As experts and thought-leaders in the collaborative divorce sector, attorneys Mark Springfield and Kerry Burleigh's firm, Springfield Collaborative Divorce, earned local and national headlines for their educational seminar for Stephen Ministries held in Raleigh, NC. News and Observer and other local publications covered the event, which also captured the attention of the Boston Globe, Miami [...]
For people going through separation and divorce, one of the scariest things can be wondering how the divorce is going to affect their financial well-being. Will I have enough money each month to pay the rent or mortgage? Will I be able to keep my gym membership and other things important to me? What will [...]
I remember vividly my introduction to Collaborative Practice over twelve years ago. I was in a darkened room at the Bar Center watching a video replay of a continuing legal education course. A short segment of the course called "Collaborative Family Law" was showing on the screen. I had been away from the practice of [...]
What Is The Cost of Collaborative Divorce? Divorces are expensive. But don't take our word for it. Here are a few true stories.Example #1: Divorce LitigationAccording to public record, Joanne Simon's divorce in Iredell County, NC, cost approximately $288,000. Her ex-husband spent another $200,000-$250,000.The couple owned a large marital estate—approximately $2 million. The court awarded [...]
Mediation—A Court Process In 1995, mediation became a court-mandated process in North Carolina. It's part of the family court proceedings for equitable distribution of marital property. So even though mediation sounds like a kinder, gentler way to divorce, it can be quite brutal. Practically all divorce mediators in the state are trained and certified to [...]
If you file for divorce in Durham County and are represented by an attorney, your case will proceed as follows: The Divorce Petition or "Complaint" is filed stating the bare minimum facts like your date of marriage, date of separation, and whether you have any minor children. The Complaint, along with a "Civil Summons" is [...]
Wake County offers two different types of divorces: Clerk's Default Divorce Summary Judgment Divorce Both types have the same legal effect. They differ in the type of motion filed and whether there is a hearing or not. All divorce petitioners can file for a Summary Judgment Divorce, while only certain types of cases can proceed [...]
Divorce is tough on both parents and children. For moms there's an awful experience of what we call "premature separation" from their children. Even after children turn 18 and head off to college, it's hard to adjust to having the children out of the house. It's really hard to have the children out of the [...]
Technically, yes. The law does not require you to have a lawyer. Parties are allowed appear in court "pro se" which means without an attorney. But, if you have a toothache, would you rather see a dentist to have it treated or just go ahead and pull it out yourself? Would you rather draw [...]
The matrimonial statutes in North Carolina are a complex web of legal rights and entitlements that arise out of the antiquated notion that while you don't need the court's permission to get married, you have to have the court's permission to get un-married. These days, you have to show the state that you've been separated [...]
Setting Up Camps It seems most everyone knows a family member, friend or co-worker who experienced a divorce that turned ugly—a divorce in which enemy encampments grew around the two spouses, with friends and family taking sides, and divorce lawyers serving as generals in the two warring armies. It can feel like a form of [...]
The total cost of a divorce, including attorneys fees, court costs, real estate transfers, and consultant fees varies so widely for any particular couple, that an "average" cost is almost impossible to calculate. The reason being is that there are many different factors that influence the cost. I once heard that a prominent area divorce [...]
Once you have decided what your conversations will look like, you can move on to the more substantive conversations. Will we separate and will it be a trial separation or a permanent separation? Typically one spouse has a greater desire to separate than the other. Raising the possibility of a separation can be a difficult [...]
When people research what it means to move toward separation and divorce, the first search topic is the law. Of course the Internet has vast amounts of information on North Carolina divorce laws. However, the laws that govern equitable distribution of marital property, alimony, and child custody are broad outlines of what a court [...]
Arbitration. Mediation. Negotiated settlement. They sound like good ways to avoid divorce court. Unfortunately, in North Carolina, these non-court options fail families in many of the same ways that court fails families. Why? Because these alternatives continue to be adversarial and use the same standards as divorce court when trying to evaluate offers and proposals. The [...]