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The Reason Divorce Often Becomes War And How To Avoid It

Let’s face it. Divorce has a reputation somewhat synonymous with  “war.” Movies have been made about it. There always seems to be another high-profile knock down drag out divorce in the news. There almost seems to be a cultural expectation that divorce will become war. 

But does it have to be this way? 

To answer that question we first have to try and understand why it happens. Divorce can be an incredibly difficult, stressful, and emotionally charged time for everyone involved. People are emotional and they want to protect themselves and their interests. That’s a given. 

But is that the only reason there seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy that divorce will become adversarial?  

Think about it this way.  Most people don’t want a nasty divorce. Obviously, there will always be some who are so angry and bitter that they want to punish their spouse, but the truth is most people just want to protect their interest and move on with their lives. 

So, what is getting in the way of doing that? 

What if the problem is that we’re doing it wrong? 

What if the way we have traditionally divorced is setting people up for failure from the start? 

The traditional divorce process is based on an adversarial litigation model from the start. It is based on a court process that was created for resolving disputes and determining who’s right and who’s wrong. 

In business, people often end up in court to resolve their disputes, but even that is usually only after they’ve made significant attempts to reach an agreement without going to court. 

Unfortunately, when a marriage is over people usually skip the first part and decide from the start that they’re going to fight it out in court. That not only positions the parties for a fight, but it also creates the fear associated with an unknown outcome. The possibility of losing possessions, assets, and time with your children can be terrifying for people. But facing that possibility and feeling like you have no control over the outcome can make it so much worse. 

Putting the future of your family in the hands of a judge who will make the final decision is scary and can make anyone feel like they’ve been backed into a corner.  The problem is that a marriage isn’t a business and the litigation process was never created for ending a marriage.

When you remove the divorce process from the court system and put people in a safe environment that was created to give them full control over the outcome while helping them find common ground everything changes. 

That is collaborative divorce.

Collaborative divorce is a process where couples work with attorneys, financial experts, and divorce coaches to negotiate an agreement that is acceptable to both parties. This process  can be less adversarial than traditional divorce, and can help couples to avoid a lengthy and costly court battle.

Collaborative divorce can be a less stressful and more cost effective way to end a marriage. It is also faster than traditional divorces, which can take months or even years to finalize.

There are many benefits to collaborative divorce, including:

  1. It is less stressful than traditional divorce.
  1. It is more cost effective than traditional divorce.
  1. It is faster than traditional divorce.
  1. It can help couples to avoid a lengthy and costly court battle.
  1. It can help couples to communicate better and make joint decisions about their future.

If you are considering divorce, you owe it to yourself and your family to find out if collaborative divorce may be the right option for you. Contact our office to learn more about collaborative divorce and whether it is right for you.

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